Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
