I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
