Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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