you guys were way drunker than both of me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
