In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.