i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!