You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
