You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.