New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.