Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think

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  (202): if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think http://tfl.nu/ufei
  Replies (30) Good night (1638) Bad night (1338)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  got weed?

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.

  (206): View more from Washington

  sorry mom...

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  (206): got weed? (425): I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone. (206): sorry mom... http://tfl.nu/04mv
  Replies (157) Good night (2348) Bad night (18143)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?

  (516): View more from New York

  one can only hope.

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  (732): I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves? (516): one can only hope. http://tfl.nu/2jko
  Replies (33) Good night (5583) Bad night (812)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.

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  (312): I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/iaie
  Replies (44) Good night (1492) Bad night (13475)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?

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  (407): Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia? http://tfl.nu/5o5f
  Replies (33) Good night (1025) Bad night (12649)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?

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  (563): I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful? http://tfl.nu/ij5q
  Replies (24) Good night (3522) Bad night (3702)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.

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  (717): fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear. http://tfl.nu/l3zn
  Replies (40) Good night (5662) Bad night (1427)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for

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  (817): you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for http://tfl.nu/dk1d
  Replies (24) Good night (1397) Bad night (4352)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.

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  (763): there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread. http://tfl.nu/qy40
  Replies (35) Good night (2021) Bad night (8815)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him

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  (412): I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him http://tfl.nu/tu5w
  Replies (4) Good night (1070) Bad night (2019)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.

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  (513): Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight. http://tfl.nu/vjdx
  Replies (7) Good night (1950) Bad night (985)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.

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  (425): It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends. http://tfl.nu/8ygs
  Replies (2) Good night (2030) Bad night (957)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations

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  (413): Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations http://tfl.nu/s70c
  Replies (2) Good night (400) Bad night (627)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.

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  (843): She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative. http://tfl.nu/fw1n
  Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (596)
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  (559): View more from California

  Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"

  (707): View more from California

  Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.

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  (559): Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!" (707): Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war. http://tfl.nu/84el
  Replies (6) Good night (1591) Bad night (422)

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