oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...