when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
