I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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