Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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