Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
