I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
