i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Randomize
