But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
