i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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