Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
