Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
