Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
