Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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