I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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