Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
