I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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