our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
