This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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