so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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