And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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