drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
