Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
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