so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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