All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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