You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
