but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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