the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
high people should be assigned attendants
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
