yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
