i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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