I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
