Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
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