On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
