one two three fourrrrnication!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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