Texts From Last Night

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  (718): View more from New York

  walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)

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  (718): walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :) http://tfl.nu/3uv4
  Replies (36) Good night (5995) Bad night (605)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?

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  (636): hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls? http://tfl.nu/dqbw
  Replies (17) Good night (5103) Bad night (1010)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.

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  (480): From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him. http://tfl.nu/9mdh
  Replies (23) Good night (5983) Bad night (1252)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions

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  (972): The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions http://tfl.nu/nm0a
  Replies (8) Good night (1561) Bad night (2638)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.

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  (206): Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it. http://tfl.nu/rqou
  Replies (9) Good night (1253) Bad night (2994)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.

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  (918): i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/yiek
  Replies (8) Good night (1013) Bad night (2145)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.

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  (410): She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor. http://tfl.nu/beb7
  Replies (13) Good night (1782) Bad night (1114)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball

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  (917): I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball http://tfl.nu/axxp
  Replies (24) Good night (610) Bad night (2811)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.

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  (541): Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground. http://tfl.nu/5mkq
  Replies (1) Good night (841) Bad night (467)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?

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  (954): In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in? http://tfl.nu/qdxs
  Replies (7) Good night (1448) Bad night (439)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69

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  (719): These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69 http://tfl.nu/x4aj
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (575)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts

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  (716): I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts http://tfl.nu/te6p
  Replies (4) Good night (268) Bad night (501)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"

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  (814): I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!" http://tfl.nu/71ex
  Replies (11) Good night (657) Bad night (322)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Clearly, you already have. Both of them.

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  (770): I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one. (404): Clearly, you already have. Both of them. http://tfl.nu/iwis
  Replies (6) Good night (1093) Bad night (393)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.

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  (425): My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well. http://tfl.nu/o5pi
  Replies (3) Good night (734) Bad night (130)

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