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Nicole vs. Life
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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