i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.