Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less

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  (215): Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less http://tfl.nu/o2ix
  Replies (25) Good night (535) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.

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  (224): bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh. http://tfl.nu/hyh0
  Replies (5) Good night (4318) Bad night (629)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.

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  (713): My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs. http://tfl.nu/vmqk
  Replies (34) Good night (3263) Bad night (775)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night

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  (973): U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night http://tfl.nu/l1rw
  Replies (3) Good night (2479) Bad night (1246)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Me toooooo!! Margaritas

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good

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  (773): Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach (630): Me toooooo!! Margaritas (773): I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good http://tfl.nu/3y14
  Replies (53) Good night (1272) Bad night (3795)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome

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  (317): The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome http://tfl.nu/7akx
  Replies (4) Good night (2160) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.

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  (404): He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday. http://tfl.nu/mk6n
  Replies (14) Good night (1620) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.

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  (337): Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird. http://tfl.nu/9vhr
  Replies (12) Good night (2354) Bad night (1083)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?

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  (804): How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now? http://tfl.nu/mo61
  Replies (16) Good night (2619) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag

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  (321): He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag http://tfl.nu/8y86
  Replies (16) Good night (1773) Bad night (634)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party

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  (580): the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party http://tfl.nu/1oc7
  Replies (3) Good night (832) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.

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  (918): I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey. http://tfl.nu/6r6d
  Replies (15) Good night (1841) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.

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  (+44): You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life. http://tfl.nu/zp27
  Replies (6) Good night (497) Bad night (1502)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.

  (406): View more from Montana

  YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.

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  (570): HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS. (406): YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE. http://tfl.nu/futb
  Replies (2) Good night (716) Bad night (229)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.

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  (630): dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times. http://tfl.nu/etvm
  Replies (3) Good night (614) Bad night (389)

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