Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The air was thick with penises
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks