so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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