hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
