Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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