so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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