i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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