kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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