She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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