i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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