i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
