if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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