As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
