why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
