She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
