North Korea, Best Korea!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
