I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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