Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
