Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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