he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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