i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
