Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
