No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
