then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
