I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
