Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My breasts were aching with rage.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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