I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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