i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize