The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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