There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize